That’s almost worse. I’d probably resent him even more if he lived near me and still didn’t visit. My whole family lives in different countries so they have a legit reason why they can’t just decide to pop over next weekend, but if at the same time they’re traveling the world it’s just taking the piss.
Why do our parents suck so much? Ugh.
It is quite frustrating, but my parents doesn’t really suck. They live active an busy lives. Do I feel left out…sure at times. But I can’t really change them, the only thing I can control is HOW I think. So I have to stop expecting and feather enjoy the time we get to spend with them. But it sure is an easy thing to say but damn hard living by at times.
When I was hosting the girls birthday party for the kids in their class, my step mum had promised to help me out…she offered. We agreed on a weekend, and even though it was the weekend of my dad’s birthday, she reassured me that it was ok. Two days before the party I asked her if we would just meet there on the day, and she told me that she was sorry but she really had to work. I am the first person to understand that sometimes work do get tangled up in our personal life, and we have to sacrifice personal life. She is a teacher like myself, so I totally understood. But what hurt me was on the day of the party I talked to one of the mum’s on the phone, and she informed me that she had just seen my dad and step mum checking in to a very posh hotel outside the city senter. So she was actually not actually working, she was having some quality time with my dad. I am not jealous, just pissed that she though she would have to lie to me. To me honesty is crucial, and lying is a deal breaker….and it isn’t the first time they have been caught in a lie.
I moved to Bergen from Oslo (Norway) because my step mum told me that I would need help after the twice were born, but during the first 3,5 years of the girls life they have not offered once to take them off me (except one overnight stay and a few hours help when I had a tummy flue). I am a single mum, and the girls have been with me 365 days of the year… A “few” months back they said that they would try to have the girls for a weekend once a month. Remember the word “TRY”. They have had them, but not once a month….and they never really give me time to plan anything to do for myself in the absence of the girls. Last time they offered to take them was on a Friday and they picked them up on Saturday around midday. They said they were taking them home on Sunday evening. But they dropped them off at 15:00 (since we switched to summertime that day it was really 14:00). Why did they bring them back early…? Because my step mum had planned a dinner party and needed to arrange things without having the girls around. Totally understandable, but how can I plan anything when they keep acting like this. Why did they ask in the first place when they knew they had a busy weekend ahead. Probably out of guilt as they had not see us in three to four weeks (we live 10-15 minutes from each other), and they were to depart for Texas to see my sister and her family the week after. So they knew that they didn’t find time for us that weekend, it it would be yet another two/three weeks without them seeing the girls. Guilt drove them is my guess.
We are never really a priority, we just squeezed in-between everything or everyone else, and thinking about it makes me feel kind of sad. Seeing how they have helped my sister out (before she moved to Texas) hurts. She is not a single mum, and she has one kid (although she is pregnant with her second) and a very capable husband. She even has an other set of grandparents that are equally hands on while everyone knows that I have no one but them (as my mum is not fit to look after both of them unless it is just in our home for a few hours).
But I can’t solemnly blame them because I have to own up and take some of the blame myself. I will put it in the words of my dad: “I have one daughter who asks for help, while the other one NEVER asks for anything.”
I am so stubborn. I am incredible independent, and I hardly ever admit that I NEED help. I don’t need anything as I can provide myself. I chose to give birth to my girls, so they are my responsibility. I knew even during pregnancy that I would have to do it on my own (even though I had a vague hope that their dad would step up). So I don’t want to push my responsibility on anyone. I love them to bits and I love to spend time with them, but I would love to have more people to share them with. I would love to have grandparents fighting to get some quality time with them away from me. So I totally understand your feeling. It totally hurts when you feel that you are not a priority in the life of other family members.
I just try to focus on not building up expectations. I try to step back and let them do what ever they have to do. Even though I master this on most days, I have days where I do honestly feel really sad. Especially the lying part gets me down. Because there shouldn’t be any need for it…why can’t they just be honest.
A few days back they talked about taking us sailing this weekend, but I have stopped talking things like this through with the girls as I have a strong feeling that they will not follow through. SO I rather not get the girls all excited about something that is probably not going to happen.