Finished late at work today because of meetings, so the girls were amongst the last kids to be picked up (16:00). I really hate having to pick them up that late, but it only happens once a week. So I guess it is not too bad.
Tomorrow we have our weekly “Thursday meeting” at school. It starts at 16:30 and ends at 19:00, but I am planning on skipping it. I really can’t be asked….two more days and we have a week off from school. Autumn holiday…(mid term).
I am planning on stuffing the girls in the car and drive over to Oslo/Sarpsborg to visit my auntie, uncle, cousins and their children. It is not that I am looking forward to spend 12 hours in the car, but I know that the girls will truly enjoy it once we get there. We didn’t really get any summer holiday, as we were busy moving house. So they deserve a break to get away and just do something else.
My auntie asked me to invite my mum as well, but I don’t intend to do that. I absolutely refuse to spend 12 hours in the car with her, and I don’t want to have her moping around for the entire week as I am planning to take a few days in Oslo on our way back…to see friends.
Call me selfish or what ever, but I want some relaxing time for me and the girls. I want them to “myself” without meddling and having to consider my mum’s point of view. It is not that she is meddling with how I bring the girls up, but she is not contributing in conversation nor with the work load. So she tend to just piss me off. Age has had a very negative impact on her life somehow, and I don’t relax around her. She stresses me out…I don’t know why but shed total lack of interest in anything life has to offer is just something I find hard to deal with. Before I had the kids and she came to see me, she always helped me with chores. She could show up at my door with a big pot of food that she made just to make me happy. After I had the girls, she doesn’t even help out on bit. As they were born, she came to Oslo and spent three weeks to help me out….without helping. She didn’t take on any obligations at all, and to be honest I felt like a mother of three. I cooked, cleaned and made sure she was content. She didn’t even offer to go to the shop on her own (it was just to take the elevator down 12 floors). She wanted me to tag along. It was February, so for me to do so, I had to dress both girls and stuff them in the “moby wrap” and do the trip with them. So it was no help at all.
Before the kids, when she came to Oslo to see me, she would do things around the house while I were at work. She would hover or wash, sort the refrigerator out and do other chores. But when she comes to see us now, she sits at the sofa offering no help at all. She doesn’t even help with the dishes after dinner. I have to ask her to watch the girls when they have their bath or help them brush their teeth. It is like she needs to be told everything. I don’t really trust her to take care of the girls either…even if she is looking after them for 2,5 hours ever Thursday. This summer she looked after Leah while I went to sign the contract on the house we just bought. Lilly joined me. So it should be pretty easy on her. I asked her to keep her phone close as the deal was for her to make Leah ready for departure when we left the estate agents office. She didn’t pick up the phone when I called her. So when I got to my mum’s house I found her outside in the garden doing some gardening, but Leah was not outside with her. She was inside at the toilet screaming for grandma to come and wipe her (but my mum heard nothing). Probably not a big deal, but to me that is not looking after. At another occasion she was looking after the girls because I had a meeting early in the morning. She came to my house the night before for dinner and a sleepover…just to make things easier on her in the morning. Just before I had to depart in the morning, I made the three of them a smoothie and instructed my mum to feed them breakfast as we were to head down town to vote as we had our election that day. I came home at 12:00. The kids were quite content, but when I asked my mum if she had fed them, her response made me sick to my stomach. She said: “I had a cup of coffee!” I don’t really care IF she had coffee or not. She is a grown up and should be fully capable to take care of herself, but it pisses me off when my kids are not fed from 08:00 - 12:00.
So if I bring her on our little “get away”…it will not really feel like a get away for me. It will feel like adding unnecessary stress to my time off work, and I would probably need a holiday after returning from my holiday. Do I make sense or do you think not offering to take her in the car with us, is me being small minded and cold hearted? I feel selfish, but it is not like she has not seen her sister in ages. She just spent a 10 in Spain with them. She returned two weeks ago, and she was in Spain with them again in June.
…it is getting harder and harder to get myself out of bed in the morning. I am really struggling big time. Regardless of when I am crawling into bed at night, I am just “never rested” upon waking up.
Yesterday I even fell asleep on the sofa after we got to my dad’s to do one load of laundry. It was around three o’clock, and I slept for half an hour while the girls did some drawing and jigsaw puzzles.
I just wish I could take ONE day off so that I could sleep.